At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize