i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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