i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
