I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
