you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
