I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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