why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
