you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
