dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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