soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
