I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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