he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
