Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
