so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
