I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How's work?
Spinning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
