what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
