i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
