I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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