She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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