Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
