Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
