lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
