So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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