Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
