when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
