next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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