So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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