Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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