come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
