I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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