You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
