i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
