I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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