My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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