he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
