i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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