He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
