"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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