Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize