new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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