I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
