"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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