You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
