I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
