you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
