I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
