oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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