if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
