You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Houston, we have a blender
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
