I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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