nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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