i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
