this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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