all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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