I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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