My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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