If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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