oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
