thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
