Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
