apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
