I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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