I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
